The Backrooms was made for scientists (me)
The Back-Fuckin-Rooms, Kane Parsons, A24, 2026
HEAVY HEAVY SPOILERS FOR THE BACKROOMS 2026 ||
The Backrooms was made for fellow scientist (me)
The night of May 28th I found myself in a familial, yet troublesome situation- one I am often finding myself to deal with more and more nowadays. Do I? Or do I NOT watch the backrooms tonight?
I answered yes that night and came back with some very interesting discoveries
Kane Pixely Parsons or whatever the fuck his name is, is a genious and hard as fuck, attitude wise, I dont wanna suck him off or anything.
Now! The Backroom 2026 is a movie about a man, I cant remember his name! I'm drunk!- well… not yet, but i'm definitely high! So his name will be dave for the remainder of the review!
Dave owns a furniture store and has a girl assistant, whose boyfriend buys a camera to help shoot them a commercial.
Anyways dave is kicked out of his house, we never see it, but it was probably powerful, and he’s sleeping in the furniture store.
Well his furniture store has frequent power outages! And one day these new breakers appear! Its to tha backroom theme parks they’re building in his backyard! “Funny” he thought… “I never greenlit this”
He walked around a good while and got some evidence that it happened for his therapist- the only woman left in his life who cares to listen… because he pays her to…
Anywhosies, him and his employee along with her boyfriend ALL go missing for a good long while! And the therapist goes in to check in on him! Well guess what? He be chilling in the backrooms doe!!!
Anyways yeah plot twist, it turns out the backrooms don't just make places and furniture, its also making people! Its REALLY not the best at making that kind of thing just yet. Or ever I suppose. Thats kind of the reasons i really like this movie, it doesn't really tell you what the backrooms is, because it too, in sanctity for how awesome it all is, cannot TELL you how they work or what made em.
Here is the facts, the cold hard truth.
SOMETHING is the backrooms, SOMETHING that isn't human. HUMAN has simply crossed paths with the backroom, The BACKROOMS can only hope to imitate. It starts simple, with big wide, empty rooms, then with furniture, eventually? A bug crawls in or a bird flies in through a breaching point, and it tries its hands at making a few of those.
It sees a person walking around it here and there! Even a commercial of a guy rolling around the joint on a old tv, well? It takes a stab at that too…
Now the people that the backrooms make are mainly out of like stuffing? I guess? I dunno, they all look kind of styrofoamy, they don't feel any pain as far as anyone can tell… BUT a few of the walking ones can feel fear! This is evident by a giant looming angry and hungry one walking in and scaring the fuck outta them! Which I guess is kind of evidence to speak that they DO feel pain, or at the very least, they do fear death, which is its own form of pain.
Anyways see it in theaters.
Or dont…
Cool flick weather you see it or dont!
-Dan
